Emotional

Yes, that is the one word that describes me every minute of every day lately and during this whole adoption process. It is beautiful. I know the end result. I have adopted my youngest son and daughter. They are very much worth the emotions and hard fight to get them home. I love hearing their giggles every day and watch their excitement at seeing rainbows, and listening to them talk about their favorite things. I love it all. I can't wait to go get Brennan and be at the end of the pursuing journey and be onto his forever journey with him. I know that this whole process was orchestrated from above.

In May 2013 I had to find a sitter for my two little ones because my middle daughter was graduating from High School and the school was not allowing any little children to attend the graduation (for disruption purposes). Who do I ask? I have never left them with a sitter before. I know they were 4 1/2 and 5 1/2 but they have Special Needs and didn't trust anyone. So I asked on a facebook group for our county for special needs moms if there was anyone there with experience with SN kids who would babysit. Within minutes I had several families point me to this one mom. She gladly said she would watch them and I went over to meet with her. We scheduled about 45 minutes...we talked for hours. She had also adopted her children with SN within the last few years as I did. I adopted from the US Foster Care System and she adopted her 3 boys from Ukraine. Coincidence? NO! Then she told me that she was going to an ice cream social for another friend who was adopting. I called all my older children and said we were going to go get ice cream before dinner and we met there. She was adopting a little girl from China. I instantly felt my heart sink when I watched her video. I sent her a message the next day to ask her questions. She confided in me that they were also adopting a little boy along with the little girl but hadn't told anyone yet. Then I met several other adoptive moms all within one month time frame. Sooo by this point God was shouting at me because I was being stubborn and not listening. I kept arguing. Why? I didn't qualify. I'm single. I don't have the money. I already have 6 kids. I won't get support and can only imagine the comments from others. Oh, yes. I had every excuse you could imagine. Did He care? Nope. He kept telling me to TRUST. I did. I said at each step, if this is meant to be you will make it happen...because I didn't qualify (so I thought). He clearly has laid such a beautiful path for me during this process. His timing is so much better than mine. I kept asking...if this isn't going to happen in the end please stop it now...and if this is meant to be please show me a sign. He did every time. He asked me to be patient (still working on that one). He asked me to trust. I had a back up plan for the funds and a different one of someone offering to help buy our plane tickets but they didn't work out. Maybe because I was trying to control things and He just wanted me to trust that He will take care of it. Maybe He wants things to go differently but I am also so very worried and stressed over being this close to the end and still not being fully funded. He has provided the funds up until now. He has not provided me more than I need at that moment but He has provided every bit of money that was due up to this point. I moved to save money, I redid my whole budget and eliminated so much so that we could afford this adoption. I had yard sales, I did Tupperware fundraisers, candle fundraisers, I did online auctions, I did a Barn Dinner and Dance, I did Tshirt fundraisers and I am still doing Bucks for Brennan shop to sell items. So now I am at the end... I leave in 20 days and still don't have the In Country Fees. I do have my last paycheck of September and some money saved for spending money and food for my children here at home and for me to take with me. I also have enough to cover my 2 day layover in Beijing (my bank debit card reward points will be used for free hotel stay in Beijing). I am trying to raise the remaining $12,500 for In Country costs through my Bucks for Brennan shop on facebook and through Reece's Rainbow. Our RR account is now up to $1,880 but that is so far off from $12,500. My Bucks for Brennan shop is selling Tshirts, blankets, and other trinkets. I am still having yard sales and doing my best to raise every bit of money possible. I am asking everyone I know to help with frequent flyer miles or any other options to help. I am not sitting and asking others to just donate and help me...I am working, calling, making blankets, making jewelry, asking friends for any help they can (can you buy one ticket, donate frequent flyer miles, donate, etc). I am doing everything I know... I keep asking God if this was meant to be to please guide me and if it is not to please stop it now because there is so much as stake with the hearts of my children here at home who already love this precious little boy with all of their heart. God keeps opening doors every step of the way and moving the process. Brennan needs to come home and can not wait the extra time. He needs to get home and get treatment for a SN that may or may not have been corrected. If not corrected properly can be toxic to their system.

Yesterday was a very important and emotional day for me for many reasons. I was greeted by 2 rainbows that morning as I was waiting to put my son on the school bus. I know that those rainbows were a sign from my ex-husband and from God. I know he is up there watching over OUR children. At least now he can get to know them and watch over them. I know he is no longer in pain or sick and our children have missed out on so much but they feel closer to him than they ever have. Please continue to watch over our children. I will continue to share the stories they do not remember so they can always remember the good times and not mourn the bad or the missed times ahead. Last night we went out to dinner like we have done for 5 years to celebrate your birthday and they will all feel you close and need that. You will always be the one and only love of my life besides my children!!!

Also, exactly one year ago after our birthday celebration dinner I found my son's photo and exactly one year later from seeing his beautiful face I received my confirmed Consulate Appointment.

I have no idea what journey God had laid out for my family and this baby boy but I will trust in Him. 

I pray and if you can help donate and/or pray that would be very much appreciated.

My beautiful children and the very first photo I ever saw of my youngest son!!!


I LOVE all 7 of my children!!!