Tears

I have been an emotional wreck the past week. I have said it before so many times that I am overjoyed that we have gone through the whole process to adopt and I am finally at the end.

I got TA very late in the day on Tuesday. I was actually sitting at the eye doctor for my two little ones since they both failed their eye exam at school. I was in shock but so very happy. My mind just started running... I have so much to do. I have to apply for Visa's for my daughter and myself. I couldn't apply before now since I work in the religious field, I am the Director of Children's Ministry at our church. Then I kept thinking I have to get flights booked, finish packing, finish getting everything I need to travel, let my boss know the dates, let my family know, and so much more. I was so excited. Then...it hit me. I am leaving in less than 3 weeks. I am scared... I have raised every bit of funds up to this point through the grace of God but now that I am at the end... I still have so much to come up with and it isn't coming. I have been a single mother for many, many years and raising 6 kids. I am tough, I don't cry, I don't show anyone when I am upset, I can fake it really good. There are only 2 people in this world that can read me like a book and they are my two oldest daughters (that might be because we are all so much alike). I have been crying and wondering why has God brought me this far just to not be able to finish? I do not see how I can raise the rest of the funds in time to travel. Should I cancel my Consulate Appt and move it? I can't...my son's health is going down hill and he needs to come home and get help. He will have to have corrective surgery in Cincinnati and week long testing. My daughter who is watching my other younger children that are not going with me is not able to watch them in Nov/Dec because that is her busy time at work and her husband will be working in Nov/Dec also. So, now what?

I don't know who reads my blogs. I write every day since I started but no one subscribes to updates so I don't know if I have followers. I don't know if anyone is praying for our family. I'm sure there is because I have some great adoption friends and family. I don't know if the money will come. I am told to trust in God and He will provide and I am. I don't know how I will get this all done but I WILL!

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